BABY & Lytton

First of all i agree with whoever said we need pics up of the new baby! and i wanted to post the story of my weekend in PG/Lytton. sorry i wasn't here with you guys were down jen i planned 4 things on that weekend(oops) anyway this should give you a laugh but there's lots of F*** cuz it was written for friends to read to give effect. there's also some inside jokes and stuff that might not make sense.

"shit storm in lytton"
The story of 3 gents stuck in the jewel of BC …Lytton (March 9-12,07)

When Ben Decosse agreed to play in an indoor soccer tournament in Prince George he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Decosser started Saturday night off by doing a few stuntmans (snorting salt, shot of tequila and then lime juice in the eye) and wearing really sweet bottle cap rings that caused the other guy to get 8 stitchees the weekend before..,. Anyways we had the banquet at this grimey bar that had full on german steiners to get shitfaced on.
Next up is the Rum Jungle, personally I wanted to go to sleep, so I decided to get completely fucked up to join the rest of the guys. The Rum Jungle had some Really good poultry but also the odd “swamp donkey” but for the purpose of this story we won’t get into anything. Oh and if you ever go to this bar.. there is an upstairs if you go through some secret passage. So we get back to Esthers inn at around 3:30 and then after casino, a few drunk dials and bad decisions we’re looking at 4:30am.
Up 2 and a half hours later, making it 7:00am still just fucking wrecked missing shoes and stumbling off to our game at 8:00. Williams Lake legend Ryan Glanville now comes into the story with 4 goals in the first half with most of our team including himself being still drunk. We won this quarter final by some score maybe 6-1? against Grand Prarie College who laughed at our stupid drunken asses with their fancy coach and trainer when we showed up drunk, useless pricks. We were then Ass Raped by a PG ref against a bag of useless pg players only to lose the game after some seriously questionable calls including a very skilled play where the ref virtually kicked the ball into our net. The Prince George team apologized to us in the post game handshakes for a brutal win. I would like to say that there was some Steller play by the Williams Lake Lightning including Sheldon Manchor, Sean Glanville, Spenser martin, Brent Dodge, Brent Gardener, and everyone at the tournament.
That game was at 12:00 so we got the fuck out of PG about 2. Dodge got his turn riding bitch and ended up with a painful ass but we were all just exhausted as fuck and pumped to get home.
Now the Shit Blizzard Begins shortly after Spences Bridge. By this time we were right into a game of risk as we decided it would be a good idea to play the game of world domination while driving. Anyway we’re now in the Frasier Canyon and can’t see fuck. Its raining cats and dogs, and rocks, we can’t see 10 feet down the road and the risk was getting pretty intense. The fog started around the same time we hit our first land slide, the road was completely covered with a nice layer of rocks and gravel but we made it over top in the accord. As we come to the conclusion that we’re probably going to die playing slalom with huge fucking boulders and pot holes we nail a boulder with the tire as Ryan was making an attack on Australia. Keep in mind we have no visibility and didn’t even see this huge fucking rock. But don’t worry, we’re still ok. We pull up to a lineup of cars just outside lytton and it’s safe to say we were pretty confused. Turns out there’s a huge mud/rock/world slide 30km up the road at jackass mountain and we would have to wait a couple hours to get through. So screw it we say, some drivers chose to go back and find another way but we decided it would be a better idea to get shit faced as we’re pretty much fucked for getting home anyway. But wait, just behind us there is a Bar/Café/Chinese restaurant called the kanaka. As we don’t have much booze we decided to get some brews there but only had time for a couple as they were closing soon now around 9-10. In this Bar we first met and began to establish a relationship with Mrs Wong, and her 9 year old son Edward Luongo Wong the fucking genius. We also met two fucking grubfucks from Chetwan or some shit. One of our new best friends had 7 warrants for his arrest out and the other who nearly went pro with the pigskin and had a fond interesting in Portuguese Strippers back in his day. By this point we’re beginning to get drunk again, Ben Decosse took the first shots on Luongo that evening who had the time of his life. After this point we found out the assessment was that the slide would be 12 hours. So basically we’re fucked, with no phones, no internet and can’t go anywhere stuck in Lytonn Fucking BC. We considered turning around and going back taking another route to Vancouver only to find out the road on the other side of lytton had been washed away and rumor had it was actually gone. Maybe go through Whistler you say? Road Closed, We Are fucked, some of the few people absolutely stranded, couldn’t be reached. So we decide to head into lytton so we didn’t have to sleep in the car still covered in sweat from our game now 11 hours ago. On the way to lytton we could not see a fucking thing and managed to get nearly drowned in the hugest puddle of your life, but again the accord pulled through. We made it to lytton at roughly 11:30-12 planning on hitting the local pub and getting some off sales then a hotel room and who knows. We hit the pub/dirty-jail round 12 but offsales was closed, super nice heavy indian woman is a bitch and won’t sell us any booze. So lets get a hotel room? First hotel is full, second is closed, fuck.. back to the dirtiest pub and hotel on the face of the earth. This place is held together with newspaper but it’s the last room in Lytton so fuck it, sold. So we bring our bags up and run into this Chinese girl on the way.. she was Smokin hot (for lytton) so not too bad I guess, but forget it we go to sleep in this gross dump of a hotel, finished off the booze and hit the sack err bed.
Of course we’re dead tired from the series of events of the day so we sleep through the alarm and Its now 10am. We get out of that dump at 11 but last reports are that all roads are still closed we just want the fuck out of that place. Back to karamak bar home of the 9 year old frigging genius Edward Luongo. Latest news is that the road could be closed for days in one direction until they could do blasting and tunneling, and indefinitely in the other direction.. basically we’re fucked. We now have to face the sad realization that we may never leave lytton with our lives. So we make the best of the situation and get breakfast, but no kraft single omlettes apparently they’re not up to par. After breakfast the games break out, Chinese mind testing games (geoff is a genius). Ben takes Ryan in a game of chess and Edward nearly takes Geoff. A pickup game of hockey breaks out with Luongo where a shootout went to 15 shooters to see ryan taking the huge win with the only goal. After a couple hours of that we head back in for some sudoku, psp and whatever. We start making arrangements for missing school, work, cattle farming and plans for our extended stay but hope arrives now around 1-2:00, the most dangerous highway in Canada(Duffy Lake road) has been cleared and we could make it through to whistler and Vancouver. There was a short pause where we each had to part with our inner love for Lytton. On the road again by 2:00, Well I don’t know if people actually drive on this road but it is crazy, so many hairpin corners you don’t even know which direction you’re going but it turned out to be possibly the most gorgeous road in the world. That’s basically the summary of the weekend. Enough said
Shout out goes to Brent Dodge for his ability to polish off the Dudes even though he didn’t like the taste. (dudes are a kind of beer)